


I Will Find You

by SwordsandShields99



Series: I Will Find You [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Brainwashing, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Kidnapping, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Rough Sex, Sex, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:34:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23676187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwordsandShields99/pseuds/SwordsandShields99
Summary: Garrus and Shepard knew that their life would never be normal or easy. But does it really have to be this hard? In battle, war, injury, torture, and more...  in the end, there's just no Shepard without Vakarian.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: I Will Find You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704805
Kudos: 9





	1. Finally Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW/Smut

It had been a long 6 months. He laid on his bed roll in his squad’s tent. All of his fellow soldiers had fallen asleep hours ago after swapping stories to distract themselves from the explosions outside. He groaned has he rubbed his hand over his face. Spirits, he hoped she was alright, hoped she survived what he heard was a brutal first attack on Earth. If it was anything like Palaven… Hell, it was Shepard. She would make the Reapers regret coming anywhere near her planet. She was probably there now, raising hell.

He sighed and tried to think of better memories. Garrus felt bitter about the amount of time it had taken for him to work up the courage to join with her. But damn, had he been nervous. She was his best friend, hell his whole world revolved around that woman. His friendships, his job, everything he believed in and worked for… she was at the center of all of it. He didn’t want to mess that up by having a horrible sexual encounter. Humans and Turians just didn’t seem to fit well together sexually from what he could tell. But the more he had thought about it, the harder it had become to wait. The very things about her that had endeared her to him, had turned her from Commander to best friend, were the very things that stirred his heart and made him want to join with her.

He remembers going up to her cabin right before the relay. Remembers the soft look in her eyes as she caressed his face. Damn, he had hoped to comfort her, not the other way around. But Shepard was so damned confidant. He watched his best friend carefully that night. Watched this person that he had grown to respect for her wit and just how damn bright she glowed in the galaxy… watched her transform before his very eyes. Watched her body unfold around his, watched it writhe and slowly open up to him. Watched the light inside of her grow and burst in a passionate explosion as his name rolled from her lips. 

_ Shepard laid sprawled beneath him on the bed. She had showed him where to touch as he explored her slick sex. It was so different, and he wasn’t sure how it would feel when he was inside of her. He saw the look of shock on her face as his plates parted and his cock surged forward. She ran her fingers along the spiraled, cork-screw like ridges along his length. He had done some research. He knew humans didn’t have that. He knew that his skin was tougher than a humans as well. That it might hurt her once he was inside of her. Mordin had warned of chaffing. Damn he was nervous as she stared at it in awe.  _

_ “You… you’re so big, Garrus,” she sighed as she took it in her hands. No matter what your species, he knew that was a compliment, and it helped ease his nerves.  _ _ He shivered slightly as she started pumping at his length slowly. _ _  
_ _ “I want you Garrus,” she whispered. He reached down and ran his finger through her wet folds and heard her whimper, “Please… Garrus take me.”  _

_ He growled as he leaned down, he lined himself up but instantly retreated. _

_ “What’s wrong?” she asked. _

_ “You… you’re not ready yet?” he said as a question. _

_ “I am,” she whined.  _

_ “But… your plates… don’t they open more?” _

_ She gave him a goofy grin. “I don’t have plates.”  
_ _  
_ _ “Well, your skin then?” _

_ She shook her head, “No but skin is more flexible than plates. It’ll move when you’re inside of me.” _

_ “So, I push the plates aside by force?” he said, sounding appalled.  _

_ “No, no it’s not like that,” she said softly. “It’s just flexible. No force. It’s meant to do that.” _

_ He took a deep breath. He trusted her. “Ok,” he said as he leaned down again.  _

_ “I’ll tell you if something’s not right. I can always tell you anything,” she said as she stroked his fringe.  _

_ His subharmonics rumbled. That much was true. They could tell each other anything. She trusted him. He lined himself up and pushed forward slowly. He watched her face closely, and it looked like she was in pain. “It’s ok,” she said quickly. “That’s normal. It’s not too much, it’s good. Keep going,” she encouraged. _

_ He pushed down a bit more, and saw a new level of pain reach her eyes as she hissed.  _

_ “It’s a bit more than normal now, but I mean you’re huge,” she said with a pained grin. “Keep going, nice and slow. And… here,” she said as she took his finger and rubbed the small bundle of nerves at the top of her folds. As he rubbed there, she groaned, and he smiled.  _

_ He pushed in further, and she let out a small cry quickly, pushing up on his carapace and he instantly retreated. “Ow!” she said, reaching her hand down to her entrance. Even he had felt her nearly tear at his girth. “Garrus, I’m sorry,” she said breathlessly. _

_ “You have nothing to be sorry about,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. Shep… I don’t want to hurt you.” _

_ “Garrus, there’s something I didn’t tell you.” _

_ He saw the strange look on her face, shyness? He had never seen Shepard like this. “I um… I’ve never done this before exactly.” _

_ He laughed, “Hell, neither have I, Shep. I told you, I’ve never been with a human before.” _

_ She bit her bottom lip, “Yeah well… neither have I.” He almost laughed, but he saw her shyness remain. “I’ve been in intimate relationships before. Almost went all the way a few times. It just… it never worked out… all my relationships ended before then. I um… I had a bad experience as a kid. I don’t remember it to be honest, I passed out. But… it gave me some intimacy issues. I didn’t want to bring it up… it’s kind of a buzz kill,” she laughed nervously. “But now, well it’s important because maybe it’s one of the reasons this is difficult. I told you, it’s flexible? Well, it’s not as flexible the first time, from what I hear. Pain is normal. But with our… situation… It’s not fair of me to make you think it’s your fault.”  _

_ He looked down at her in shock. She had never had sex before? Even with a human? He was her first? Spirits, why? What if this didn’t work, and he made her first experience a bad one?  _

_ “Shep… why me?” he asked softly, as he reached down, lightly tracing her cheek with his fingers. “Look, you’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you. But… I know you can find something a little closer to home.” _

_ She looked up with him with a fierce determination. “I don’t want something closer to home, Garrus. I want you. I want someone I can trust.”  _

_ A bad experience leading to intimacy issues? Well, if she trusted him half as much as he trusted her, than he could understand her wanting him to be her first. The bond they shared was special… unique. They were more than fellow soldiers, more than best friends.  _ _ He leaned down, caressing her cheek with his large hand, and peppering her face with light kisses.  _

_ “I um… I bought his,” he said reaching down off the bed for a bottle. “It’s a levo-dextro lube. It’s supposed to make my skin feel a bit softer for you.”  _

_ Shepard smiled up at him, “You’ve always got my six, don’t you big guy?”  _

_ He smiled back, “Damn right.”  _

_ She took the bottle and lathered it on his length, and slowly rubbed it onto her folds.  _

_ “Tell me if it’s too much, Shep.” _

_ “Garrus, I… I’m not the kind of girl to get a guy all horny and leave him high and dry.” _

_ He chuckled, “I appreciate the thought, but this is different. We both knew it was a risk. And even if it doesn’t work, I won’t regret taking it. What I will regret is hurting you. If it doesn’t work, maybe we can find some other way to release some tension before the night’s through. That thing you did with your mouth for example.”  _

_ She laughed and nodded. She added a bit more lube to his length and pulled him down to her. _

_ She looked up at him, half nerves half excitement. “I’ve got you, Shep,” he said softly as he pressed his forehead to hers.  _

_ He watched her face, as he entered her at a painstakingly slow pace. She was right though, he felt her insides stretch to accommodate him. It wasn’t like breaking plates as he had imagined. She was so damned tight, the warmth of her walls squeezing around him. Even if she asked him to stop now, he would remember this feeling. He sheathed himself in her fully, and hovered there for a moment. They were both panting, and Garrus didn’t know how long he could hold out.  _

_ “You good?” he asked breathlessly. _

_ “Mhmm,” she half groaned as she slowly rose her hips into his. He groaned and began thrusting as slowly as he could manage.  _

_ He was worried, because she still felt so tight. It wasn’t getting any looser. Was she still in pain? He watched her face transform from hesitation into… bliss. “Garrus,” she breathed as she scratched her nails along the tough skin of his back. He licked at her collar and nibbled at her neck as he increased his pace. “Yes… God, yes,” she moaned.  _

_ This was more than just blowing off steam. Maybe that’s how she had intended it, but now that he knew… his only mission was to give her a night she would remember. He listened to her moans for clues, smelled her arousal, felt as her fingers dug into his skin.  _

_ After a while, she was moaning out loudly, and he started to lose some of his control. He had thought mating with a human wouldn’t be as pleasurable. With no plates to scrape against his cock, he had imagined less friction. Instead, he was surprised with the tightness squeezing around his length, and the heat and warmth of it. It was even better. If he hadn’t been so concerned about hurting her, he would have lost himself to instinct right at the start. But now, as she started writhing with pleasure beneath him, he started to lose himself to the pleasure as well.  _

_ “Damn, Shepard” he panted, “You feel so good,” he said as he focused on the feeling of her warmth squeezing him, impossibly tight and wet and.. “Nggh!” he groaned as she stroked his waist with one hand and his fringe with the other. _

_ His subharmonics were ringing wildly, and she could feel them vibrate against her body, pushing her closer.  _

_ He threw her leg above his shoulder and started pounding into her harder.  _

_ “Oh God, Garrus…. Yes! Oh…oh my g… NGh!” she thrust into him uncontrollably as his pelvic plates hit against her clit with each thrust. “Holy shit,” she moaned, “God, you feel… you feel so amazing… so perfect… ohhhh agggh!!”  _

_ He thought back to his other times. How the Turian women he had been with had told him he was their best, and he had felt pride. But none of them had praised them the way Shepard was in that moment. And none of them compared to the way she felt around his cock. _

_ “How… how is it this amazing?” she groaned as she gripped his arms tightly. Her eyes were shut tight, her hair spread over the pillow, her deep breaths causing her throat to arch towards him. He felt the smallest twinge of instinct and pushed the feeling down.  _

_ “Shep,” he whispered as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. “Damn, you’re beautiful.” He felt her fingertips reach out to his face, caress his scars and mandibles, felt her soft lips on his mouth plates. Her hands reached behind, one grabbing at the sensitive skin beneath his fringe and the other pulling at the fringe itself. He groaned loudly, his hips bucking uncontrollably.  _

_ He reached down with one hand beneath her hips to hold her up more and reached down with the other to rub her clit as he began pounding into her harder, feeling the end of her with the tip of his length, and she screamed out his name. He suddenly felt her walls contract and spasm around his length and he growled. Somehow, she was even tighter. It led him towards the edge. He felt his ridges swell, and he knotted within her.  _

_ She gasped suddenly. “What is that?” she said, rudely removed from her state of bliss. She pushed against him, and he grunted as a searing pain shot up through his length and into his plates.  _

_ “No!… don’t…” he said as he panted through the pain. “I’ve got you,” he soothed as he caressed her hair.  _

_ Her eyes softened as he rubbed her clit gently, her walls still spasming around him, and she moaned softly, tugging at his fringe.  _

_ His ridges extended and hardened further. He pumped into her a few more times. “Nggh… agghh...AHhh!!” he grunted loudly as he found his release.  _

_ “Oh, Garrus,” she moaned. He wrapped his arms around her, one around her waist and the other under her head, his fingers lacing through her hair and cradling her head.  _

_ “Jane,” he panted. “You… you’re so beautiful.”  _

_ She blushed and kissed him hard. He shifted his weight to his elbows, and she hissed. His ridges extending into her had added to his size, and he realized it was a little painful for her.  _

_ “I’m sorry,” he panted still. _

_ “For what?” she asked with a smile, “That was… that was incredible, Garrus.”  _

_ “I thought you’d know about the knotting,” he said, starting to gain control over his breathing. _

_ “Ah, yeah. No, I’m so sorry, I had done my research. It’s just, when I came my brain went blank. Did I hurt you?” _

_ “It’s ok,” he said with a smile. “Worth it,” he said as he kissed her. He felt his ridges loosen and he slipped out from her. She shivered. “What about you?” he asked, he looked down to find that her thighs were scraped and bruised. “Shep!” he gasped.  _

_ “I didn’t notice,” she said nonchalantly, reaching for a small tin of medigel. “It’s ok, I was prepared for this at least,” she smiled. _

_ He still felt bad, and looked down. When he looked back up, she had a worried look on her face. “So… how is it being with a human? Not as good?”  _

_ He reached out and pulled her into an embrace, and laid them down gently on the pillows. _

_ “No,” he said, stroking her hair softly. “Better. Much better,” he sighed.  _

_ “Are you just saying that?”  _

_ “Have I ever lied to you?” _

_ “No,” she said with a smile.  _

_ She wrapped her arms around his chest and squeezed tightly. He hugged her back. He could tell both of their minds were racing. But then, he felt her grip loosen, heard her breathing slow, and she fell asleep on his chest.  _

_ He searched her face. She trusted him so completely. Trusted him out in battle. Trusted him with her body, with her mind. Trusted him enough to fall asleep quickly in his arms. She was his best friend, and he was hers. But watching her now. Feeling her in his arms… he kissed her head softly before falling asleep himself.  _

_  
_ And ever since that night, it was as if that light had been contagious. He could feel it in his soul, even now. And in these past 6 months, that light had grown. He felt like he had been changed forever that night. Damn, he had fallen hard. It was unlike him, and he felt a wave of emotion hit him as he saw her in that damned shelter on Menae. He had written to her. A lot at the beginning. And when she didn’t write back, he was afraid that she had regretted their time together. He had never been on the other end of heartbreak before. It had always been him not having the feelings in return. But damn, even if she didn’t want him as a lover, he’d still have her six in battle, especially if she was here on Menae.

He pushed down the feeling as he ran in her direction, and suddenly he remembered their second night together after the relay, her greatest victory yet. 

_ She writhed beneath his touches. She was so powerful and invincible. Somehow they had all made it out alive. And she had come out, the biggest warrior in the galaxy. And she was beneath him, writhing at his touch. He lost himself in the moment, growling deeply. He pushed himself inside her and she cried out sharply, tears at the corners of her eyes. He had forgotten, for just a moment, getting caught up in the notion that she was invincible. Her hand hovered gingerly over her opening.  _

_ “Shepard, I’m so sorry,” he said, ducking his head down. He had felt it, felt it as he stretched her too much, too fast, like he had ripped her apart at the seam, saw the blood on the sheets. He apologized profusely, and she just smiled through the tears stinging her eyes assuring him that it was ok. He spent the next half hour torn between the feeling of wanting to leave her in peace, and wanting to stay to make things right. She handed him a few shots of Turian whiskey and slowly the buzz helped him relax. Before he knew it, she was kissing at him again, pulling at his fringe, begging him for more. _

_ “Shepard,” he growled, nipping at her neck as gently as he could, “I… I can’t,” he groaned fighting his instincts.  _

_ He felt her fingertips at his seam, pressing just the right spot. He grabbed her wrists, holding them in one of his hands. _ _  
_ _ “Please,” he said softly. He couldn’t stand the thought, after everything they had survived, of being the person to hurt her.  _

_ He opened his eyes, and saw the need in hers. “Please,” she half moaned half sobbed, “Garrus, I need you,” she begged. “I’ve always needed you,” she whispered.  _

_ He felt a rush of emotion in his chest and leaned into her as he held her head threading his fingers through her hair, pressing his forehead against hers. _

_ He gently touched her folds with one of his fingers, and she placed her hand over his, forcing his digit inside of her. _

_ She smiled at him, “It feels good, Garrus.”  _

_ He breathed deeply, trusting her, and started working her, pressing his thumb against her clit. She moaned, and her hips bucked into him. _

_ He leaned down, nipping at her breasts, his other hand still holding the back of her head gently. _

_ It didn’t take long for her to reach her climax, her walls spasming around his finger.  _

_ He felt her hand on his length, felt her rub her hands along his shaft spreading his natural lubricant, and paying special attention to the head of his dick. He shivered. _

_ She straddled him, impaling herself onto him slowly. _

_ “Shepard,” he gasped, holding her up by her hips, stopping her from going any faster.  _

_ He watched her face, ready to lift her off of him at the first sign of pain.  _

_ She went down slowly, and she placed one of his hands on her clit. As soon as he started rubbing in circles, she moaned and went faster. “Oh, Garrus,” she sighed, letting her head fall to his shoulder. Once she was down on him completely, they sat there for a moment. He kissed at her neck, and rubbed her back softly, as he purred into her ear. He felt her start to move on him, and he grunted. She was so wet, so impossibly tight. He rose his hips up gently, as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body to his.  _

_ He rocked into her, gently and slowly, his hands rubbing her back through her hair. “Jane,” he whispered, and she sighed. _

_ The night was slow and relaxed. While the first night, their orgasms were intense, that night his orgasm was slow, beautiful, and peaceful. After they felt his ridges swell within her, he heard her whisper his name, over and over. “Garrus…. Garrus…”. He saw a tear roll down her cheek as her walls clamped down around him, and he wiped it away gently. He felt the relief flood through her body… felt it flood through his. They were alive. They were together. She was safe in his arms. He released into her as he held her and kissed her face gently. The knotting took longer than normal, and he stayed within her for longer than he ever had in the past, before slowly slipping out from her and cuddling up beside her. No one else in the galaxy would ever see this side of either of them. To anyone else, they were two warriors with guns. Two soldiers. Two leaders. Two heroes. Two people too tough and hardened to fall apart. But here, in this room, intertwined, they were simply two people alive. _

“Coming, Garrus?” she said, pulling him from his thoughts.   
  
“Are you kidding? I’m right behind you,” he said with a smoothness that surprised even himself. 


	2. F***ing Noveria

Garrus paced in the battery nervously. It felt strange being back on the Normandy after fighting on Palaven for so long. The soldiers were too quiet. No subtle hum of subharmonics, all voices a solitary lonely tone. He was already homesick… already wishing he was serving with is men. None of them on this crew picking up on the set of his mandibles, assuring them that he had their back, or the tone of his subharmonics assuring that he was on their side. But he knew he could do the most good here.

He wanted to go to her, but he also didn’t want to invade her space too quickly. She hadn’t written him back after all. He was a secure enough man to not be needy or pushy. And if it wasn’t meant to be, then he could get over it. But he wanted to know. 

Damn, being with a human was challenging. She could hear his subharmonics with her implants, but did she truly understand them? When they greeted each other on the moon, did she hear his longing for her? His care and affection for her? Because he couldn’t hear anything from her obviously. It was incredibly frustrating not knowing how she was feeling or thinking to such a degree. And with humans not having subharmonics, he had learned during his time with them that they hid their emotions much more than Turians did. Turians could only hide their feelings so much with subharmonics giving them away. There was less lies, less hiding. Relationships progressed much faster. 

He watched a human couple skirt around their feelings for a whole year on the SR1 before they finally realized that the other shared those feelings. It was maddening. But once they finally did, they were extremely physical and verbal about their feelings, and it made him uncomfortable. Turians didn’t lie, and it was obvious how they felt about one another due to subharmonics and pheromones, so there was no need for so much emotional touching and talking. He would have to remind himself to vocalize his feelings more if she accepted their relationship.

He rose a hand to his face and lightly traced the scars down his neck. She hadn’t seen them before. Up until the relay, Doctor Chakwas had him wear a derma-bandage to hold together his damaged skin. While she may have found the scars on his face attractive, he doubted anyone would find the scars on his neck attractive. They were deep and messy and completely changed the texture and color of his skin. The women on Palaven had still been attracted to him until he stopped wearing the bandage. Then, suddenly, it was as if he had a plague. Even his friends made sure to stand on his good side when they talked to him. Maybe Shepard felt the same way. He sighed, when suddenly the battery doors opened.

“Hey!” she said happily. 

“Hey,” he said as smoothly as he could. She stopped just inside the door, and there was the smallest moment of an awkward silence. “Is ah… this the part where we shake hands? I did some research on human customs. Hand shaking seemed the most common, but I wasn’t sure if…”

Before he could finish, she took two large strides and lifted up on her toes, kissing his scarred mandible, placing her hands on his carapace. He instinctively placed his arms around her waist, pulling her in closer. “Ah… well… I had hoped it might go something like that… I mean… I didn’t know if you felt the same way about me… I didn’t want to…”

She took his hands in hers, “If I had subharmonics, they would have responded to yours out on Menae, Garrus.” She smiled. Damn, he had forgotten how she always seemed to know what he was thinking. Or at least she was always thinking the same thing. “This war... there’s no guarantees with anything right now. But I really missed you. And I had hoped you felt the same way about me.”

“Glad to hear my romantic skills left an impression,” he said as he bowed his head closer to hers.”It’ll take more than Reapers to deter me.” She was still on her toes, and she leaned in and kissed him softly. 

“I uh… had hoped you didn’t regret… well after I wrote to you,”

“You wrote to me?” she asked. “I was on house arrest. I couldn’t receive or send any messages. It was awful. Better than a cell, but still. I had imagined you going back to Palaven. Meeting a nice Turian girl. I really hate that imaginary person.” 

He laughed, “Nope. I’m afraid you ruined Turian girls for me.”

“What a shame,” she said with a devilish grin. “Well, we’re off to the Citadel. We’ve got a few things to take care of before we head out.”

“If you have some time, there’s something I’d like your help with while we’re there.”

“Of course,” she said without even asking what it was for. “I have a meeting when we first arrive, followed by a few things I need to pick up. How about, two hours post arrival?”

“Sounds good,” he said with a nod. “Meet me by the cab docks when you’re ready.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is… beautiful up here, Garrus. Thanks for taking me along.”

“I’d hoped it would inspire a certain… mood.” 

Shepard raised her eyebrows as she walked closer to him. “It sounded like, maybe you need some time to… figure us out. When you said there were no guarantees. But… are you ready to be a, one Turian kind of woman?” he almost cringed. But he wanted to be clear about what he was asking for. 

She walked even closer. “The only thing that made leaving Earth bearable was knowing you were out there somewhere.”

He felt his heart flutter in his chest. “I felt the same way. The worst part of the galaxy falling to hell would have been never getting to see you again,” he said as he traced his fingers along her arm. He watched her face soften.

“Well here I am,” she said. “Exactly where I want to be.” She reached out and tugged at his armored carapace. “I love you, Garrus Vakarian.”

“Wow,” he said softly. He had never truly believed that she would want him, a relationship with him. And she loved him.

Shepard didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Didn’t expect him to say it back. But if she was going to die tomorrow, she was going to tell him exactly how she felt, damn it. 6 months in a small room gave her plenty of time to reflect and know exactly what she wanted in life. And it was Garrus Vakarian. She kissed him quickly before he could start rambling.”You don’t have to say it back, but the answer to your question is yes. I want to be with you.”

He reached out quickly, leaning her back for a passionate kiss. She smiled as she felt his subharmonics rumbling against her chest. He loved her too. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had handed him a letter when they were still up on the presidium beams. He couldn’t read human writing, so when he got back to the battery he scanned it with his omni-tool, which automatically translated the letter for him.

_ Garrus, _

_ I’m currently under house arrest. I’m locked in my room. I can’t send out any form of communication, and I’ve been informed I also can’t receive any. So if anyone sends me any vids or notes, I won’t get them. God, I hope if you write, that you won’t think I’m ignoring you. I wrote you a few times already, but since none of those will make it to you, I’ll just write you one big one to summarize, and if I’m ever lucky enough to be with you, I’ll give it to you then. So, here it goes: _

_ Before the relay, you didn’t just help me ease some tension. After the relay, you didn’t just help me pick up my broken pieces. I mean, you did both of those things, but you’ve done so much more than that. And you’ve been doing more than that since the day that we met. You’ve had my back, believed in me when no one else did. It’s hard to put into words how I feel about you, Garrus. I wonder if you realize… if you could ever feel the same way. I know you could find something “closer to home”. And I would understand if, whenever I end up getting out of here, if I find you with some nice Turian girl, settling down and having cute little Turian babies. If I wasn’t so selfish, I would just never give you this letter and hope that you find that life. And if I get out of here, and that is what I find, then I’ll throw away this letter and hope that I can still have my best friend.  _

_ But after everything we’ve been through, all of our close calls, all of our battles, all of our good times, how close we’ve become… I hope we can become more. I want to try this with you. I don’t know of any serious turian-human relationships, definitely not ones that last. But that’s not what this is. It’s not a Turian and a Human, but it’s Shepard and Vakarian. You’re my best friend, and over the past year you’ve become more. I hope you know it wasn’t just blowing off steam for me.These past few months in lock up have been tough. And the hardest part has been being apart from you. I’ve fallen for you pretty hard, Vakarian. I hope I get out of here soon. I hope we can be together. And I hope you feel that way too. Because, let’s just say that after fighting so many battles with you, I never want to fight any without you ever again. Going through this galaxy without you would suck.  _

Garrus jumped up from the crate in the battery and was in front of her door faster than he could think. 

“Garrus?” she said in a soft surprise. 

In two strides, he had her in his arms, and he kissed her deeply as he had on the Presidium. Everything in that letter was what he had longed to hear from her, what he had hoped for these past 6 months. 

“Liked my letter then?” she said with a sly grin.

He growled an affirmative as he kissed her again. “I’ll just make a quick call to break it off with my Turian girlfriend, and then I’m all yours. She’ll be devastated at the lack of cute Turian babies,” he teased. Shepard pulled back. “Shep, I was joking,” he said pulling her back towards him.

“Listen, Garrus,” she said, still not making eye contact. “Maybe… you’d probably be better off. With someone who speaks the same language, has the same… body parts. Can have cute Turian babies,” she trailed off. 

“Shep,” he said as his mandibles did a quick flip against his cheeks, the equivalent to a human eye roll, “I was..”

“Besides,” she said cutting him off, “I kinda have to break it off with my human boyfriend too. He’ll be upset about not having human babies.” 

He stood still, not knowing how to process the information. 

“Oh my God, that was too easy Vakarian,” she said with a huge grin, “I mean really, you had just messed with me the same way,” she started laughing. 

He growled and nipped at her neck playfully. 

“Shepard,” he breathed against her neck, “Your letter… I had written a few that sounded almost identical.” 

She smiled up at him. His subharmonics were ringing with all of the feelings she was hoping to express. She wrapped her arms around him and smiled against his carapace. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Garrus was underneath the console, trying to improve the response time of his controls in the battery, when he heard the door swoosh open. 

“Alright, I know this relationship is still fresh, but I’m going to test it’s limits already.”

He stood. “Hell Shepard, I didn’t expect anything with us to be easy,” he joked.

“Oh good. Keep that bar nice and low, Vakarian. Because I just got some intel on some tech we’re going to need. I was going to take Tali, but she’s busy. That leaves you.”   


“I always want to go on missions, Shep, you know that.”

“Yeah? Great! Pack your gear, we’re headed to Noveria.”

“Nooo, Shepard, whyyy?”

She walked up to him with a smirk. “I promise to warm you up afterwards. Personally.” 

He grumbled under his breath, “If you weren’t so damned sexy, Shepard…”

“Thanks best friend!” she called back as she left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You do know that Turians hate the cold?”

“I seem to recall you saying that before, yes.”

“It’s not just that we don’t like it Shep, our bodies can’t handle it like yours can. Heat, sure. No problem. But cold? Nope. No thank you.”

“I’ve got a bottle of Turian brandy waiting for you back on the Normandy. I had promised to make sure you warmed back up.”

He felt his face fall flat. He had hoped for a different means of getting warm back on the Normandy. But he wasn’t going to push.

He felt her watching him, and when he looked up she had a giant smirk on her face. “Just kidding, Vakarian. That’s only part one of getting you warmed up,” she said with a suggestive voice. 

His subharmonics growled, and she smiled. 

“Alright, we’re at the drop off!” Steve yelled back.

“Thanks, Cortez.” She checked her omni-tool. “Alright, it’s a large facility, and it will be difficult to navigate with the condition it’s in. Tech extract is estimated at 3 hours. So give us four to be safe, and then pick up in the same location.”

“Acknowledged,” Cortez said before they jumped out. The shuttle took off, and they were left in the wind and snow.

Garrus looked at her grumpily. “Shepard, the readings in my suit say the external temperature is at -20 C. That’s ridiculous, even for Noveria.”

“I know Big Guy, but the sooner we get that tech, the sooner we get out. I’ll radio Cortez for an early pick up. We’ll see how quick you are at this tech retrieval.” She gave him a daring look. He looked up at the abandoned facility and set off with a determined face.

The facility was so run down, that it took a long time to get to the right location. Extracting the tech was difficult with everything being so frozen, but Garrus still ran under the estimated time. 

“Alright, Shep, let’s get the hell outta here,” he said as he stepped onto the elevator. Suddenly, they heard a loud creaking sound, followed by the sound of breaking metal. 

Garrus pushed on Shepard hard, forcing her back off the elevator.

Before she had time to react, she watched as the elevator went crashing downwards. “Garrus!” she screamed. She ran down the stairs taking four at a time, going down 6 levels before finally reaching the crumpled elevator. “Garrus!” she called out, moving chunks of metal. “Answer me buddy, where you at?”

She heard a groan and lifted a large beam off of him. “Shit,” she said as she saw a small metal pole protruding through his abdomen. 

“Cortez, we need evac, now!” she said over her comms, but she heard nothing but static. She ran out the door for better signal, and ran right into an incredible blizzard. The wind ripped at her face. “Cortez!” she shouted, but nothing.

She ran back inside. “Alright, buddy, let’s get you propped up here.”

“Shit,” he said as he gingerly touched at the pole, trying to stand. She could tell he was in shock. “It’s…. So… cold…” he shivered. 

She looked at his back, and saw that the pole went right through his suit. 

“It looks like the pole fried your suit, Garrus. No environmental controls.” 

“I… don’t feel so good, Shep,” he said, teeth already clattering. 

“Here, sit down. I’ve got an emergency blanket in my kit. Put this medigel on your wound.” She would have done it herself, but she wanted to keep him busy. 

He gingerly rolled back his damaged armor and placed some medigel on the front of his wound while she got the emergency blanket out.    
  
“Hey, you pushed me out of that elevator,” she said softly, and he grunted. “Thank you, Garrus. If that beam had fallen on me, I don’t think I’d be here right now buddy. Don’t have that tough Turian body that you do,” she said as she gently poked at his arm with a nervous laugh. “But really, thank you Garrus.”

“Of course, Shep,” he said as his body began to shake harder. 

“At least it’s warmer in this shelter than outside, right?” she said thinly.

“Shepard… Turians really don’t do well… with cold,” he shivered “Even if I wasn’t injured… I… I can’t do this for very long.” 

“You’re going to be ok, Garrus. Cortez will be here soon.” He nodded. She ran a bio scan on him with her visor. His vitals were sporadic, and his body temperature was already way too low.

She sat next to him, wrapping her arms around his arms. “I could kiss you until he gets here? Will that help warm you up?” she asked with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. 

Suddenly, he coughed, and she watched a light blue blood stain his mouth plates. She leaned over and kissed his mandible. She felt him slump over against her slightly. She watched as the brown skin of his neck started to lose color. “Garrus, talk to me, ok? Let’s go to a warm planet after this. Where do you want to go?” 

He sighed as he shivered against her. “Palaven. I want to see it again, Shepard.”

“Well, we’ll go there to kick the Reaper’s ass, and then we’ll make sure to turn it into a vacation, how about that?” 

He nodded, “I want to go home.” The color drained from his face, bringing out the stark blue of his colony markings. “Ashley’s going to have a field day laughing at me for this,” he said with a small chuckle. 

_ ‘Shit, this isn’t good,’ _ Shepard thought.  _ “Ashley’s dead big guy.” _

She knew that if he was confused like this, he was doing worse than she thought. The loss of blood was causing his hypothermia to set in quicker than she had anticipated. 

“Garrus, who is the Primarch?”

He looked at her, confused, “I… I don’t… I don’t know.” He closed his eyes. “I’m so tired, Shep.” 

“Cortez, come in! Cortez, do you copy?” She yelled, but no response. 

She felt Garrus nearly collapse, and she held him up. “Garrus, you have to stay awake ok? It’s really important. You’ve gotta do that for me.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispered.

She felt her eyes sting from the cold. “I know Big Guy. And I’d do anything for you. So stay awake. That’s an order.”

He collapsed completely, and she held him up against the wall. “Garrus!” 

“Shepard, do you know?”

“What, Garrus?”

“I.. I love you.”  She inhaled sharply. His subharmonics, that just a moment ago had been ringing in a tight, high pitched tone, had stopped entirely, and the dual-tone of his voice was nearly in unison. He sounded human. And she hated it.  “I love you,” he whispered again, his mandibles pressed tightly to his face.

“I love you too, Garrus. So let’s get out of here, ok?”

His eyes closed and she shook him, shouted, but they didn’t open again. His body was shaking violently, and then started to settle. “No! I won’t lose you again, Garrus. No!” 

“Cortez!” she shouted into her omni-tool.

“Here, Commander. We lost contact for a bit due to the storm. You ready for pick-up?”

“Yes, hurry! Radio Dr Chakwas and let her know Garrus is severely injured.”

“Shit!”

“And when you get here, come inside and help me carry him out to the shuttle. He’s too tall for me to do it alone.”

“Coming in now, Commander.” 

“Garrus,” she said as she shook him. “Wake up!” 

\-------------------------------

Garrus groaned, his abdomen feeling like it was on fire, along with his fingers and toes. 

“Hey buddy,” he heard Shepard say. He opened his eyes slowly, and winced at the brightness of the room. 

The lights dimmed and he saw the movement of Dr Chakwas leaving the room. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Shepard… I told you that I hate the cold right?” he said, trying to joke with her. When she didn’t respond, he looked up at her face and saw the pain there.

“I know, Garrus. I… I’m so sorry.” 

He took her hand in his, “I was just joking Shep, it’s ok. It’s not your fault.” 

“I… I almost lost you out there, big guy.” 

“Eh, you always save my ass Shepard. I wasn’t worried.”

“We were both worried,” she said with a small smile. She took a deep breath. “Doctor Chakwas was able to take care of your hypothermia quickly. That abdomen wound will take a few days to heal though.”

“I can still work in the battery,” he started to say, but she pushed on his chest.

“For me, Garrus. Take it easy. Please.” He reached out, lightly touching her face.”That was… hard to watch buddy. I need to see you resting and ok, alright?” 

“Is that an order, Commander?” he smiled.

“Yes, soldier, it is.” 

“Acknowledged,” he said as he laid back. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

“Garrus?”

“Yes, EDI?” he said groggily.

“Commander Shepard is calling for you. However, I believe she may be unconscious. It is unclear. Would you like me to inquire further?”

“I’ll go talk to her. Thank you, EDI.”

“Acknowledged.”

Garrus slowly got out of the med-bay cot, clutching his abdomen, hissing as the pain subsided. He walked into the elevator, and approached her cabin.

“EDI, is Shepard still calling for me?”   


“Yes, Officer Vakarian. Shall I open the door?”

“Yes, thanks.”

The door opened, and he walked into the dark room. The light from the aquarium was more than enough for him to see her sleeping on the bed. He walked in, confused.

“Garrus…” he heard her mumble.  Was she dreaming about him? Maybe it was a good dream, he thought as he smiled.  “Garrus….” she said again, her voice strained. “No…” she said softly. Suddenly, Garrus heard the saddest sound he had ever heard. A strangled sob coming from deep in her chest. “Garrus!” she said a bit more loudly than before. 

Garrus went to her quickly, taking her arm and shaking her slightly. “Jane?” 

She gasped, and shot up quickly. “No!” she shouted.

“Hey… it’s ok, it’s alright,” he said softly as he held her arm. 

She looked at him, blinking in confusion. “Oh… What time is it? Is something wrong?” 

“No, nothing’s wrong, Shep. You were calling me in your sleep, so Edi thought you needed me.” 

“Oh… Oh, sorry Garrus. Shit, you should be in the med-bay.”

“I’d rather be here,” he said, pulling her close. “Bad dream?” He felt her shaking. “Shep, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Big Guy. I just um… I have this… recurring nightmare. I just forgot to take my medicine before bed.” She reached into her night stand.

“You take medicine to sleep?” he asked.

“It’s the only way I can sleep without the nightmare waking me up,” she said softly. 

“Shep, you were calling for me. Am… am I in his dream?”

“You…” she stopped and took a deep breath. “Yes. It starts on Omega. It’s more like a memory. It’s exactly like it happened. I hold you, roll you onto my lap. I hear your lungs filling with blood as you gasp for air. I look into your eye, and see the fear, see the pain. I look at your face to try and help with medigel, but it’s too much. Medigel won’t help. There’s blood…. Everywhere. I can’t help you. God, your neck was blasted apart, half your skin just gone. You’re dying in my arms. And then suddenly, it morphs into the suicide mission. Do you remember how you got shot?”

He nodded. 

“It looked like a bad hit, Garrus. The way you stumbled back, doubled over… god the look on your face. But in my dream, it really is bad. You fall to the ground, and say you’re sorry for not making it, and then you die in my arms.”  Tears rolled down her cheeks. This was haunting her. Enough to prevent her from sleeping without medication.  “I swear, Garrus, I’m not some crazy clingy girlfriend. Today was just a bad day. I.. almost lost you. I’m not used to feeling like this.” 

He pulled her in close. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Shepard. We just go through some crazy shit together. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been feeling the same way recently. But I hate to see you like this, I don’t want to be the reason you have nightmares.” 

She nodded, “I hadn’t wanted to tell you.” 

“No,” he said quickly, “I want you to.” He wiped a tear from her cheek and kissed her tenderly. “It’s gonna be ok, Shepard.” She nodded. “Can I stay?” he asked.

She smiled up at him, “Definitely.” 

He hugged her tightly as she laid her head on his carapace, careful not to touch his stomach. 

He could tell she wasn’t relaxing. He pressed his forehead to the top of her head, “I’ve got you,” he whispered. She sighed against his carapace and slowly fell asleep. 


	3. Cerberus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

“Lawson, slow down and tell me what’s happened,” Shepard said with more panic in her voice than she would have liked to let on. 

“I believe the Illusive Man has captured Officer Vakarian, as a means to regain control over you. He was… unhappy with us to say the least. He knew of your attachments to Garrus.

“What the fuck,” Shepard said, rage coursing through her body. She had been looking for Garrus for two weeks, worried sick. She had imagined terrible things, and while she hadn’t imagined this it was almost worse than her fears. 

“Miranda, we have to find him.”

“I know, Shepard.” 

“No, Miranda, we… I… we have to,” Shepard shouted.

Liara ran into the room. “I’ve dug up everything I can, am using every resource Shepard. Garrus came up on a security vid two hours ago. I told Joker on my way here, he’s already laid in a course.”

“Liara,” she said, her voice cracking slightly as she hugged the Asari. “Show me the vid.” 

Garrus was limping badly, and there was some strange attachment on his head. Not his visor, something else, something they couldn’t make out on the vid.

“Where is he?” Shepard asked.

“Omega,” Liara whispered back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shepard, Liara, and Miranda raced through the streets of Omega. The Illusive Man was going to pay, Shepard was hell bent on that. 

“He was last seen entering this building one hour ago, Shepard. He’s in there somewhere.”

They stormed the building, and found that they were met with incredible force. 

“Go, find him! We’ll hold them back!” Miranda shouted. Shepard turned to see the two biotics were incredibly powerful, holding the Cerberus soldiers in the air, some of them flying against the walls and ceilings, some of them being crushed by crates. She nodded, and ran to the next room. The door suddenly locked behind her, and the light shut off. 

“Shit,” she groaned. One wall was completely made up of a window, and she could see into the next room. She tried shooting it, but it didn’t even crack.

“That won’t work, I’m afraid,” the Illusive Man’s voice came over a PA system in the room.

“Where is he?” she shouted at the air.

“Mr. Vakarian, please enter the room,” she heard the Illusive Man’s cold voice say. She watched through the window as Garrus walked into the next room.

“Garrus!” she yelled.

“That is a one way mirror, that is completely bulletproof and sound proof. He can’t hear you, Shepard.”

Garrus looked awful. Blue blood stained down his bare arms, and there were fresh cuts along his face. An odd device was wrapped around his head like his visor used to. 

“Now Shepard, I want to be very clear. That device on Archangel’s head allows me to communicate with him, persuasively.”

“You mean control him?” she shouted angrily

“Yes,” the Illusive Man responded with an equal amount of venom. “We also took the liberty of altering his memories this past week. Mr. Vakarian, who is Jane Shepard?”

“I don’t know, sir,” Garrus replied in a flat voice. 

“Where have you been the past year or two?”

“Serving as a C-Sec officer. A few weeks ago, I failed an assignment regarding a spectre, so I quit.”

“And who is your employer now?”

“An organization called Cerberus.”

“Very good, Mr. Vakarian, thank you.” 

Jane nearly dropped to her knees, but stayed strong. He knew the room was bugged and the Illusive man was watching. 

“What do you want?” she growled.

“It doesn’t matter what I want, Jane. What matters, is what you want. Right now, you are under the delusion that a lasting peace is attainable, when in reality, eventually threats will always arise. And it is important for us to remain loyal to our own race, Shepard. Humanity must come first. I was disappointed with your actions on the Collector Base. I want to ensure going forward, that even if you don’t work for me, that you don’t work against me. Your pet here doesn’t remember you at all. You need to move on, and work for humanity again Shepard.” 

“No,” she growled. “I will never, ever help you.” 

“I see. Mr. Vakarian, I have an order.” 

Shepard watched the device on Garrus’ head glow red.

“Yes sir,” Garrus responded.

“Please take out your knife.” Garrus did. “Please place a deep but non-fatal gash on your left arm.” Garrus did instantly without hesitation, wincing in pain. The red light turned off.

Shepard watched as the blood dripped to the floor. 

“Mr. Vakarian, you’ve been doing great work for Cerberus, just great.”

“Thank you, sir!” Garrus said with a grin, completely forgetting his wound. “I really appreciate the chance to work with you.” Garrus was smiling, acting like he was young and had something to prove. She hadn’t seen him act that way in a long time. 

“Tell me son, do you like Human women?” the Illusive Man said in a friendly voice. 

Garrus nearly choked as he laughed, “No offense sir, but no, not at all. Nothing against them personally, it's just… repulsive to think about them like that. I could never uh… really have fun with one. I’d probably break them. Just doesn’t seem satisfying. I wouldn’t have thought you’d approve sir?”

“Quite right, Vakarian, quite right. Well what about Asari?”

“Sure,” Garrus said with a sly grin. 

“Are they your favorite?” 

Garrus looked almost shy, “Naw, I like Turians sir.” 

“Well, how about a reward for your good work for Cerberus? Take the night off. Enjoy yourself. I saw the way you’ve been eyeing Miss Rakin. She’s just outside waiting for you.”

Garrus eyes widened, “Sure thing, boss.” 

“Goodnight, son.” 

“Good night, Sir.” 

The door opened and a young Turian woman walked into the room. 

“Hey Garrus,” she said, her dual toned voice purring. 

“Hey, Mani,” he said with a sly grin. “Come for a visit?”

“You could say that,” she said with a grin. She walked up to him, and drug her sharp talons along his carapace. “How long has it been since you were with a Turian woman Garrus?” 

“I’ve never been with any other kind, Mani. And since my military days. About a couple years now.”

She growled, “That is far too long, don’t you think?”

Shepard pounded on the glass, but neither of the Turians seemed to notice. She shot at the door and at the lock, but it didn’t budge open. 

Suddenly, Garrus growled, and his whole posture changed, as did the female Turian’s. They crouched, circling each other like prey. His eyes were dark, and he suddenly lunged for her. 

The female dug her talons deep into Garrus’ skin, and he groaned with pleasure. He used his sharp teeth to bite into her carapace, while he used his talons to tear off her pants, and she did the same with hers. She scraped her talons along the sensitive skin of his waist, and pressed her other hand against his seam hard. She bent down and licked at it, until his plates shifted. He ran his talons sharply across her plates, they opened for him, and he roughly inserted his talon inside of her. 

The female gasped and moaned loudly. 

“Spirits, your waist Mani,” Garrus growled as he scratched along her tough skin as hard as he could, leaving marks. 

“Garrus!” Mani shouted. 

“Now, Shepard I’m going to eliminate the technology in the room. Your translator won’t work,” the Illusive Man suddenly said over the PA. 

Suddenly, instead of hearing the female scream Garrus’ name, all Shepard could hear was a loud dual-toned screeching language.

“Can’t you see how different they are from us? I’m not saying that an entire race is bad, Shepard. But they aren’t us. They will never be us. And we will always be behind them if we don’t force our way to the front.” 

Shepard heard the loud dual-toned sounds coming from Garrus too. She could tell he was talking, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. 

Garrus violently threw the Turian back against the wall. His cock slid from it’s sheath, spiraling towards her, and he pounded into her as hard as he could. The sounds of their carapaces hitting was deafening, with loud cracks and scratches. It was so loud, she almost couldn’t hear the cracking of his pelvic plates hitting hers as he pummeled against her. The female wrapped her leg around so that her leg spur caught on his, and Garrus growled low. The couple crashed to the ground, roughly pushing and tearing at one another for dominance. Garrus always won, ending up on top of her. He spun the female on all fours on the ground and he entered her as hard as he could. Shepard could see the look on Garrus’ face, knew that he was close. He pounded into the female so hard that Shepard was sure one of their plates would crack. He was constantly scraping his razor sharp teeth along her plates, and digging them into her tough hide. He groaned at each bite, as did the female. She had never seen him like this. Never knew… God if that were her, he’d nearly kill her. The female started biting Garrus hard with her sharp teeth. Garrus bit into the female’s arm as hard as he could, blue blud running down his mandible. The female screamed and scraped her nails up to his neck, and then her fingers through his fringe and pulled hard. Then Garrus screamed, and Shepard could tell that he was coming inside of her, his fluid spilling out of the hole in her plates. 

“These are violent creatures, Shepard. Garrus is a good man. But you have a duty to your race. You need to choose more wisely in the future. And because I know the heart can be foolish, I’ll be holding onto Mr. Vakarian. He’ll be safe under my employ as long as you don’t interfere with my business, Shepard.”    
  
Mani was getting ready to leave, and Garrus was nuzzling her neck, his subharmonics growling low. “That was really nice, Garrus,” Mani said, her voice filled with emotion. Apparently the Illusive Man had restored her translator and electronic capabilities. 

“Can I see you again?” Garrus asked in a deep voice.

“I’d like that,” she replied, biting his mandible.

“Goodnight Mani,” Garrus said, reaching out for her waist as she slid through the door. He spread his mandibles wide in a smile after she closed the door, and he sighed happily.

Suddenly, a bright light emerged by the door. Someone was breaching the door. 

“Mr. Vakarian, we have intruders. Please help the Cerberus crew escape through exit C. You are mission priority Mr. Vakarian, so leave anyone behind if necessary.”

“Yes, sir!” Garrus said, grabbing his pants and heading out the door.

“No! Garrus!” Shepard shouted. 

The metal door fell with a loud thud.

“Hey, Liara called for us to get you out,” Vega said holding the laser torch. "I told you we'd need this thing, Lola," he said with a grin, bringing the torch up to his shoulder.

Shepard ran through the door and after Garrus. “This way!” she shouted at her crew.

She finally caught up enough to see Garrus leading a crew out a side door. 

“Garrus!” she shouted out, but he ignored her. 

She shot down two of the Cerberus soldiers, and she saw Garrus turn to face her then. He ran to the back of the crowd, placing himself between her and the soldiers. 

_ ‘That’s my guy,’ _ Shepard thought.  _ ‘He won’t take bad orders. Won’t abandon his squad.’ _

Shepard remembered that Garrus was a damned good shot, when without hesitation, he shot a bullet that knocked out her shields. She dodged for cover. 

Out of nowhere, a crate dropped onto Garrus with a thud, knocking him out cold. Shepard looked over and saw Liara with her hands in the air, looking somewhat shocked at her own actions. 

“Nice work, Liara!” Shepard called out, assuring the Asari that she had done the right thing.

Shepard watched the Cerberus soldiers abandon Garrus and escape in a shuttle. She kneeled down beside him, softly touching the device on his head. It instantly sent out a shock that hurt her, and definitely hurt Garrus, his whole body spasming in pain.   
  
“Shit!” she said. “Help me get him back to the ship.” She and Vega each took an arm. 

“Joker, tell Dr Chakwas and Dr Solus to prepare for a medical emergency. Potential brain shock device, and potential brain washing for a Turian,” Miranda said as she ran in front of the. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shepard stayed by his side.

“Looking for potential answers with brain scans. Will know something soon. May have to wake him to make additional tests soon. Will let you know,” Mordin said as he intensely looked over the scans.

“I can neutralize this device, but it must be done carefully. It could severely damage his brain if not done correctly,” Dr Chakwas said, still leaning over the device.

“Understood,” Shepard said coldly, trying to reserve her emotions for when she was alone. 

“Have determined as much as I can through unconscious scans. Am close to answers. Need conscious scans. Also need patient calm.”

Shepard nodded. Mordin slowly injected Garrus with something, and Shepard watched his eyes flutter open. 

He looked around and saw Shepard. “You!” he jumped out of his bed, moving much quicker than any of the humans or salarians in the room. He clasped his hand around her neck, lifting her into the air. “You killed two men on my squad,” he growled at her, his eyes full of hatred. 

“Officer Vakarian, please,” Mordin said as he injected the Turian with a sedative. “Mild sedative will help control him.” His grip loosened on Shepard’s neck and she fell to the ground coughing. 

Liara had seen the whole thing through the med-bay windows and ran in, suddenly a blue biotic field around Garrus, controlling his movements, forcing him to sit on the bed. He growled loudly, but his motions were subdued. “You killed my men,” he growled angrily, but with slurred speech. 

“Scans complete,” Mordin announced as he injected Garrus again, the sedative kicking in quickly. Liara lied Garrus down on the cot slowly as he slipped into unconsciousness.

“He doesn’t remember us?” Liara said in shock.

“He doesn’t remember anything since C-sec,” Shepard said with a raspy voice. 

Dr Chakwas examined her throat. “There will be bruising, but I need to spend time on our other patient.”

Shepard nodded, “I’m fine. Mordin, tell me something good.”

“I can reverse the effects, but it will take time. It will be…” he breathed in deep, “a difficult process. In the meantime, we should strap down the patient. So that he doesn’t hurt himself or others, until he is himself. Can’t treat patient and fight off brute Turian strength,” the Salarian said as he belted Garrus’ hands and feet to the medical bed. “That will suffice. Now need space, and time.”

Everyone left the room except for the doctors and Shepard. 

“I’ll stay out of the way and out of sight, but I’m not leaving,” Shepard said in a strong voice.

Mordin looked at her for a moment, then took a deep breath, “Very well.” 

Two hours passed as the doctors worked diligently. Shepard almost began to doze off. “Will need to wake the patient for next step. Patient has not recovered yet, Shepard. Still not himself.”

She nodded, grateful for the warning. Mordin injected something, an she watched him wake slowly.

“Where am I?” he said, eyes wide with fear as he felt the restraints around him. He struggled against them, and then looked up bitterly. “I’m a Turian soldier, you won’t get anything out of me. I don’t know why you’ve captured me, but I won’t tell you anything!” he shouted angrily, his subharmonics were nearly deafening. Shepard noticed that the humans and salarians couldn’t even hear it, and she was jealous. They were terrifying. If he hadn’t been so doped up, he would have easily broken through the restraints. Mordin quickly took two scans. 

Dr Chakwas walked up to take Garrus’ pulse.

“Wait!” Mordin exclaimed, but it was too late. With the smallest flick of his wrist, Garrus had slashed a deep gash into her wrist with his talons. She was bleeding profusely, and almost instantly passed out. Mordin quickly injected Garrus with a sedative. Shepard jumped up, grabbing gauze and passing it to Mordin. 

“She’ll be ok, I’m here to fix it,” Mordin said quickly as he worked. “Passed out mostly from shock of wound, not blood loss. There. Fixed. Only rest required. And gel for scarring.” Shepard picked up the woman and put her on a cot. “Dr Lawson, please come in to assist,” he said over the comms. Miranda strode in and saw Dr Chakwas. 

“What the hell?” she gasped.

“Small mishap. Dr Chakwas is fine. However, needs rest. Therefore, if medical help should be required,” he stopped short, examining another test. “Aha!” he exclaimed. “It’s as I thought. Have seen this before. Will take 4 more steps, and then rest for the patient. Will be done in two hours.”

“Thank god,” Shepard breathed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Commander,” Mordin said quietly, placing a hand on her shoulder. She gasped awake. She must have dozed off. “Waking up Garrus now. All stages complete. We will know for sure once he is awake. Patient will be dazed, confused. Due to Turian biology, potentially violent in confused state.”

“What can I do?” she asked.

Mordin looked at her thoughtfully. “Uncertain.” He walked over and slowly injected Garrus. “Not too much. He will wake slowly. Hopefully peacefully.”

Garrus groaned, and Shepard took a step forward. His eyes opened slowly, and he slugishly moved his mandibles. “What the hell,” he grumbled. “Where am I?” 

“You are on the Normandy’s med bay, Mr. Vakarian,” Mordin said softly. “What do you remember?”

“I… I don’t know… Everything feels blurry.”

“Do you know what the Normandy is?” Mordin asked.

“Of course, it’s the ship I serve on. Why would you ask me that Mordin?” he asked grumpily. 

“Who is your commanding officer?”

“Shepard. What’s going on?” he said, sounding slightly more panicked. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief. He remembered her. 

“You remember her?” Mordin said softly. 

“Of course I remember her. Who in the whole damned galaxy wouldn’t?” he growled.

“What was your last mission?”

“Fucking Noveria,” he growled. Shepard would have laughed if she didn’t feel so incredibly empty inside. “Did my injury cause this?” he asked. “Wait… wait, I… there’s something else. My wound reopened during a mission. I was hidden in a sniper nest. I passed out… where was that… Mordin, what is going on?” His voice sounded scared now.

He forcefully pushed his hand against his head, “It hurts,” he hissed pressing both palms to his head. His subharmonics started ringing out in pain uncontrollably and a beeping started going off on one of Mordin’s machines. Mordin quickly sedated Garrus. 

“What’s going on?” Shepard asked.

“Side-effect of procedure done to him. Could cause damage to brain. Sedation will prevent this, but patient must be monitored at all times and in the medical bay for the next 72 hours.” 

“What did they do to him, Mordin?” she asked, feeling the lump in her throat. 

“Very common brain-washing procedure. Includes combination of psych-torture and electro-implants in brain. Have seen this before. Have treated, cured 93% of cases. Most commonly used currently by Cerberus. Unthinkable, terrible act. As doctor, can’t imagine ever performing this procedure with any amount of morality intact. Lucky you found him so quickly Commander. The longer left, the harder it is to undo. Sometimes can become permanent if left for even a month.”

“Will he… will he remember the time he spent in that condition?” 

“Yes, those memories will return. As will all others. I do not steal memories. Only restore. Heal.” She nodded. “It will be better,” he said more gently. “Better to remember and heal than to repress. Mental health improved long-term.”

“Whatever is best for him,” she said firmly.

He nodded and scanned Garrus. “Danger has passed. Readings back to normal. Will wake up again. But if levels become dangerous, will keep him sedated longer.”

Garrus slowly woke up again. He looked over to the Salarian scanning him. “Mordin,” he croaked groggily. 

“Good to see you up, Garrus,” Mordin said quietly. “How do you feel?”

“My head hurts, but I’m ok,” the Turian said with a tough voice. 

“Take this. Will reduce swelling around brain. Very important,” Mordin chirped as he handed Garrus two pills. Garrus nodded and took them quickly. 

He looked up and saw her standing quietly in the corner. His eyes met hers and she froze, remembering his talons around her neck. She felt the blood drying still where they had scraped her. She had made him so upset. She should have left. What if she impeded his recovery? What if she caused another episode?

“Shepard?” he said groggily. 

“Hey there Big Guy,” she said quietly, not moving a muscle. 

She glanced at Mordin, who was eyeing Garrus with an equal suspicion, sedative in hand. 

“Why are you two looking at me like that?” he asked, looking confused and uncomfortable.

“You… remember me, Garrus, right?” she said softly.

“Of course, Commander.”

She winced at that. Commander? “Mind if I ask you something personal?”

His mandibles fluttered against his face, “Of course,” he said softly. 

“Do you remember our drive up to the Presidium?”

He looked at her hard, shaking his head lightly as if to clear the fog from his mind. 

“Of course I do, Shep,” he said, reaching his arm out to her.

She took a tentative step towards him, and she noticed Mordin did as well, just to be safe. 

She took another step forward, and she saw his eyes zero in on her neck. Suddenly, there was rage in his eyes. Mordin stepped between them quickly, sedative ready.

“Shepard, who did that to you?” he asked, sounding outraged. His subharmonics growled in rage, “Who fucking did that Shepard?” His instincts were flying out of control longing to protect her.

She breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t angry with her, but was angry she was hurt. “Hey, don’t worry about that right now big guy. I just need you to relax ok?”  
  
He looked at Mordin curiously, trying to figure out why the Salarian had acted that way. She watched his mandibles drop low, his eye plates raise slowly.  “Shep… did… did I…” he shook his head again, his eyes shutting tight, trying to remember. “Spirits, I… I almost killed you. Why… I wouldn’t… what is happening to me Shepard?” he asked, pleading. She had never heard him sound so sad. 

She rushed to his side, “It’s ok, Garrus. It’s going to be ok. I’ve got you now,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him. He quickly returned the gesture, pulling her tightly to his carapace. “Oh Spirits,” he whispered. “Cerberus. Shepard, I couldn’t fight them off. I shouldn’t have gone on that mission Shepard, you were right, I’m so sorry,” he said, still sounding panicked. Suddenly, his arms dropped from around her, his whole body rigid and convulsing. Mordin quickly used the sedative and rushed through a few other procedures. 

“Did not stop swelling around brain in time. Small seizure. I stopped effects in time. No damage. Patient will need closer monitoring and rest,” he said as he quickly hooked up a few machines to Garrus’ hands and head. 

She sat there on the bed beside Garrus in shock. Too much was happening for her to process. It was all too much. She felt Mordin’s hand on her arm, “It will be ok, Shepard.” She nodded weakly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mordin lightly touched her arm, and she woke up quickly. “Wanted to tell you that Dr Chakwas will be taking over for me while I rest. Will be back after. Vitals are normal and good. Physical danger has passed. Mental trauma…” he took a deep breath, “longer recovery time.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered as she squeezed his hand. He nodded, his eyes soft, and left the room. 

“Karin, are you alright?” she asked quickly.

“Yes, fine my dear. No harm done. It was a foolish mistake on my part.”

“What is it?” Garrus said groggily. He must have just woken up. 

“Nothing but a scratch. No harm done,” she smiled at them before returning to her screen.

Shepard lightly touched his mandibles with her fingers. “Hey you,” she whispered. 

“I did that to her,” he said darkly. “I remember now.” 

Shepard continued lightly tracing his mandible, “That wasn’t your fault, Garrus. It was the Illusive Man and Cerberus. They’ll get what’s coming to them, believe me.” 

He nodded, but still didn’t look her in the eyes.

“Doctor, could you give us a moment?” Shepard asked without looking away from him.

She heard the doctor leave the room.

“Talk to me, Garrus,” she said softly. “They… they captured you.” He nodded slowly. “Did they torture you?” she asked. He nodded slowly again. 

“I tried to fight them off, Shepard,” he said quickly.

“Garrus, this isn’t your fault! I know you tried. You were injured, and that’s on me. Your injury is on me. Bringing you back out to the field too soon is on me. Your capture is on me. I’m your CO.”

He looked down, “No, Shep. It’s not your fault.” 

“Well then it’s not yours either, got that soldier?” she said firmly. 

“I… shot you?” he asked, eyes filling with concern, looking her over.

“Just took my shields down, no harm done,” she assured. “Liara knocked you out before anything else happened.”

“Oh Spirits,” he said, putting his hand in front of his face. “He made me… he… I....,” he was choking back sobs, and it broke her heart. “He made me kill two Turians, Jane. Just because they weren’t human. Just because he could make me.”

“I’m so sorry, Garrus.”

“Don’t say that Shep. If you knew… If you knew what I did,” he squeezed her hand. 

“Mani,” she whispered. 

Garrus’ eyes grew wide with shock, and his subharmonics made the strangest sound she had never heard from him before. Was it shame?

“How do you,” he started to ask.

“The Illusive Man trapped me in the room next to yours. Made me watch when he had you hurt yourself,” she said as her fingers lightly grazed the gauze over his arm. “Made me watch you… with her.”

He sat up quickly, putting his head in his hands. “Jane,” he whispered. 

She wrapped her arms around his waist. “They erased your memory of me. Of our time together. You thought you had just finished with C-Sec and went straight to Cerberus.”

He nodded slowly. 

“I don’t blame you. I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with myself. I’m going to kill the Illusive Man if it’s the last thing I do for what he did to you.” 

A machine made a sudden electrical sound, and Garrus nearly jumped off the bed, breathing hard.

“Hey, it’s ok, it’s ok,” she tried to sooth. “What is it?” 

He pointed to the marks along his carapace. “Electrocution… that sounded like,” he shivered and didn’t finish. 

She couldn’t fight back tears any longer. She had no idea that she could feel the pain of another so acutely. That his pain felt like a dagger in her heart. 

“Oh Garrus,” she said, sobs slowly wracking her body. “I’m so sorry.” 

He slid so that he twisted to put his arms around her, holding her tightly. 


	4. You're the Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

It had been a few weeks since Garrus had left the med bay. He had been even more quiet and reserved than when he first arrived on the Normandy after his Archangel days. 

His body was slowly recovering from the procedures and torutre. He felt better than he had since before Noveria. But he couldn’t deny the physical beating he had been taking lately. He had actually taken the doctors orders and rested, staying off duty most of the time. 

He was missing going on missions with Shepard. Their relationship was off to a rocky start. He wished for some kind of normalcy. But he knew that was too much to ask for with their lives. 

“Logged: The Commanding Officer is ashore.” He sighed. 

He knew that she didn’t blame him. She was so sincere when she said that. She definitely wasn’t pissed at him. But he remembered every detail now. Every second. Especially his time with Mani. He can’t imagine Shepard watching all of that. He couldn’t imagine having to watch her like that. Spirits, the more he thought about it the more it haunted him. The way he had fucked that Turian… it was the Garrus from C-sec. The Garrus from before Shepard, before Saren, before Omega, before the Collector Base. He was a young cocky kid fucking, not a man making love. It was humiliating. He was surprised at how sad he felt, not just guilty. He had thought Shepard would be his only from now on. He didn’t like the thought of just a few weeks ago taking another. It felt so wrong, so against his Turian instincts to mate with one person. It was doing more things to his mental state than his flash sweats and nightmares of the torture. Before all of this, he had hoped to bond with her one day. He wasn’t looking at anyone else. 

She hadn’t initiated any physical contact after he left the med-bay. Maybe it was too much for her. He punched the crate next to his console. 

“Calibrations not cooperating today?” he heard her voice tease from the door. He whipped around, startled. 

Her face instantly changed to an apology, pity. “I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m sorry.” 

He needed to get this under control. Needed things to be ok. He gave her a huge grin, “No, don’t be. I’m offended you would ever think I couldn’t get any calibration done properly though.” 

She laughed, and he loved seeing it. She put her hands up in mock surrender, “Fair point.” 

“I thought I heard EDI announce you left the ship for a mission?”

“I did, but then I told Liara to handle it. I don’t need to babysit every time. I trust my squad,” she approached him slowly, “Missions aren’t any fun without my favorite teammate.” He smiled and lightly touched her arm. “I miss you,” she whispered. 

“I miss you too, Jane,” he said as he breathed in her scent. 

“How are you feeling?” she said, worry in her eyes. 

He picked her up around the waist and kissed her hotly. “Better now,” he panted. 

She laughed, “C’mon” she said as she laced her fingers through his. They held hands tightly as they left the battery and headed for the elevator. 

He nipped at her playfully as they approached the mess, and she giggled, earning a few curious looks from the crew. 

Once they were in her loft, he grabbed at her waist, pulling her closely to him. She was so soft, so gentle as her fingers traced over his healing wounds. “Are you sure you’re ok?” she said, looking at his new scars with sadness. 

He growled as he pressed his mouth to hers. He pressed his forehead to hers. “I’ll be ok if I have you, Jane.”

She hummed with approval and licked at his mandible, causing him to shiver. 

She traced over him delicately, before gently pushing him back on the bed. When she straddled his lap, she put none of her weight against him.   
  
“Shepard, I’m ok. You’re not going to hurt me,” he said, pulling her closer. 

In some horrible stroke of self-destructive luck, the aquarium’s new cleaner hummed up. It sounded like the machines Cerberus used to stun and electrocute during battle. The same weapons they used on him, when they dipped him into the water, while simultaneously sticking some kind of weapon into the open wound of his abdomen. 

He gasped, and stiffened, the panic rising in his chest. His subharmonics were off the charts, half giving off a warning, the other half betraying his panicked state. Damn Shepard for her enhanced cybernetic hearing. She heard it instantly, and jumped off his lap. He suddenly saw flashes of light in his vision, the sense of danger overriding his reasoning, instinct kicking in. 

If Shepard had a panic attack, he would just hold her down and comfort her until she was safe. 

However, a Turian having a panic attack was much more dangerous. He suddenly sprung up, his talons slashing out. Shepard barely dodged them in time, rolling off to the side. He ran up on her quickly, his raw speed and strength, his reach far overshadowing her flexibility. He grabbed her by the throat, and with an insane sheer strength threw her body across the room with one arm, like she was a doll.    
  
He was on her again before she could get the air back in her lungs, and he picked her up by the throat again. He gripped at her flesh with his talons, puncturing the skin on her throat. “Garrus,” she choked. She didn’t want to hurt him, but it was unavoidable. She was Commander Fucking Shepard. She wouldn’t get taken down that easily. She pushed her feet against the wall, slamming him to the ground. “Garrus!” she screamed at him, not wanting to hurt him. He had been hurt enough. He started barreling towards her. She dodged once more as his talons slashed out. She was just a little late, and one talon slashed through her arm. It was so sharp, she almost didn’t feel it. But the blood gushed down her arm to the floor. “Garrus, I love you!” she screamed. He stopped dead in his tracks, squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, clearing the fog. He dropped down to the ground, holding his head in his hands. 

She slowly knelt down, putting her arms around him.

“Shepard,” he panted. 

“Edi, please call Dr Chakwas and Mordin to my quarters, and tell them it’s an emergency.”

“Understood,” Edi called back. 

“You’re ok, Big Guy,” she said calmly as she rubbed small circles on his back. 

She stood slowly, and took the device out of the aquarium and shut it off, placing it on her desk before she knelt beside him again. 

He sat there, still holding his head in his hands, his subharmonics giving away the distraught feelings he couldn’t put words to. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Garrus knocked at her quarters, and she answered quickly. 

“Hey,” she said softly as he walked in. “Are you ok?”

He looked briefly at her neck, the scrapes and bruises he had left there, then rested his eyes on the stitches in her arm where he had sliced her open. “Are you?” he asked quietly.

“Absolutely,” she said instantly. 

“I can’t imagine any one of the squad won’t want to kill me after seeing you,” he said nodding towards her neck.

She shook her head, “Garrus, we’re all soldiers. We all understand. You’re not alone. And Dr Chakwas gave me some gel and meds that will make this pretty much gone by tomorrow, so,” she smiled softly. “Not that it will ruin the look I’ve got going for me,” she pointed at the scars on her cheeks. 

He grunted an almost laugh, pointing at his own. 

“Ha, meant to be,” she smiled softly. 

“Mordin, gave me some meds. Should stop the panic attacks. Help manage everything.”

“The ptsd,” she nodded, as if saying it were normal 

“Yeah,” he said with difficulty. 

“I take those too, you know,” she said quietly, lacing her fingers through his.

“You… you do?” he said surprised.

“Hell yeah. Dude, we’ve been to hell and back. I literally died. And I had baggage before even that so… yeah I think we’re entitled to a little bit of help, Garrus.” 

It honestly made him feel better.

“Jane, will you forgive me?” he said suddenly.

“There’s nothing to forgive, big guy,” she said quickly, but he stopped her.   
  
“No, Jane I need this, ok?” She nodded. “Forgive me, for hurting you.” 

She stepped close to him, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, “Done.”

“For… cheating,” 

She put up a hand quickly, “No, that is not fair Garrus. That’s not what I consider cheating. Rephrase.” 

He looked down. “For… what happened with Mani.”

She kissed his mandible softly, “Done.” 

“For not being a good enough soldier to know my limits, for being captured.” 

She almost protested, but kissed him anyway, “Done.” 

“For not being strong enough to deal with this,” he said through shaky breaths.

“Ah, there’s where you’re wrong.” He looked up at her questioningly. “You are most definitely strong enough to deal with this.”

“Evidently not,” he huffed.

She shook her head. “You are the strongest man I know, Garrus Vakarian. And the Shepard Vakarian duo? Unbeatable. We’ll get this together. With as much time as you need. But we will.” She reached up and placed her hands on his face, “You are strong. You are so, so good Garrus. You are such a good man,” she kissed him, and his mandible fluttered against her cheek.

He sighed as he wrapped his arms around her. He had never intended for her to see him like this. Hell, he had never been like this in his life. He hadn’t anticipated ever being like this. Only a month ago, he would have cringed at the idea of feeling helpless. And now that he did, and with their relationship being so new…… but it wasn’t new. She was his sister-in-arms, his best friend. And she had been for a long time. Their romantic intimacy was new, but their relationship? He looked down at her and felt a breath of fresh air enter his lungs. 

“Sleep in my bed with me tonight?” she asked, starting to walk towards it.

He nodded. He had already taken his meds, and was feeling drowsy. She took out 4 pill bottles from her nightstand after she laid down next to him. “See here,” she said as she took all of them. 

“Ptsd, additional sleep meds, pain meds for my cybernetic implants (although I don’t use those every day anymore), and my dextro-antihistamine meds,” she said the last one as she wiggled her eyebrows at him. 

He chuckled softly. He appreciated her helping him. He reached out and touched her face gently, “I didn’t know your implants hurt.”

“Yeah, well, being built from almost scratch will do that to you apparently. Although, most of them have completely integrated and are pain-free at this point. And I didn’t tell you this, but I’ve been getting allergy treatments with Dr Chakwas, so I won’t need dextro-pills soon.”

“You.. you are?” he asked, slightly shocked. 

“Well yeah,” she said with a grin. “My man’s a Turian. Why take pills when I can get rid of this allergy?” 

“Still planning on sticking with me then?” he asked.

“Sorry bud, looks like you’re stuck with me,” she laughed softly. 

“Not stuck with you, I’m *schds* with you,” he sighed.

“What was that?” her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, “my translator chip didn’t pick that up.”

“I’m *schds* with you,” he smiled as he kissed her gently.

“Huh, maybe there’s no translation,” she said slightly frustrated. It sounded important. Cerberus had given her a top of the line translator chip, and this didn’t usually happen to her. It was frustrating. 

He smiled, still gently stroking her face. He closed his eyes, and she heard his subharmonics. She practically felt the emotion behind their meaning, and she smiled. She caressed his mandible, “oh,’ she whispered. 

“I’m glad you can hear me, Shepard. How do you understand them though?” 

“Me too,” she sighed. “And I’m not sure. It… the different pitches and vibrations have different emotions. I think I’m just good at reading those for some reason.”

“Hmmm…” he said softly. “What about now?”

His subharmonics were high-pitched, combined with a soft humming from his lower voice-box. 

“You’re hungry?” she laughed. 

“Yup,” he chuckled. “What about now?”

His subharmonics had a rich medium tone, combined with an insistent chirping. 

“You want a kiss?” 

“Nice, Shep,” he said, leaning in to kiss her. She wrapped her fingers through his fringe and kissed him back. “You’re incredible,” he growled. 

“Yup,” she said with a chuckle. 

She nuzzled against his carapace, and her arm draped around his waist as she sighed. She felt a deep vibration in his chest, his subharmonics ringing on two clear tones, his dual-toned voice humming at a lovely harmony.

“You love me,” she sighed.

“Very much,” he said kissing the top of her head. 

Suddenly, she heard a ever so subtle addition of a third note in his subharmonics. So soft she almost didn’t hear it. “Hmm?” she asked drowsily, falling asleep.

He stroked her hair, “I’ll tell you later,” he whispered. The third note in his subharmonics pushed his love for her to a new level. It betrayed his raw emotions. His longing to bond with her. He smiled against her head as he began to fall asleep. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

“Shepard?” Liara’s voice came over the comms softly.    
  
“What is it?” she whispered back.

“We’ve found what we were looking for. You should join us quickly down here before the situation changes.”

“Copy that. Be there in 15.” Shepard got out of the bed slowly. Garrus was sleeping more peacefully than she had seen him in ages. 

She slipped on her armor and ran out the door quickly.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Garrus awoke with a start, reaching out for her. She wasn’t there?

“Shepard?” he called out. “Edi, where is the commander?”

“The commander was ashore, and has just returned. However, she was injured in the line of duty and is on her way to the medbay with Dr. T’Soni.” 

He startled more awake, “What’s her condition.”

“Unknown,” Edi replied. 

Garrus threw on his clothes and headed down towards the med-bay. 

He exited the elevator on the crew-deck and instantly saw red blood tracking the floor towards the medbay. 

He stumbled in, feeling a bit lost. Where had she gone? Who had hurt her? What was happening?

“Kai-Leng?” he heard Miranda call out.

“Yes,” Liara responded, lifting Shepard onto a med-cot. “We almost had him damn it, we were so close.”

“Thane?” Tali asked quickly.

“He’s en route to a hospital, but it doesn’t look good.” 

“Liara, you’re bleeding,” Tali said, ushering the Asari to a cot. 

“It can wait,” Liara grunted. 

Shepard laid back on the table breathing heavily, her hand pressed to her gut. Garrus saw a sword sticking through her abdomen. A fucking sword? What the hell? Who uses a fucking sword? 

“What’s going on?” he said, pressing his way to her. 

The room got quiet. “Garrus,” Tali said softly, placing her hand on his arm. 

Shepard’s face screwed up in pain, and she started whimpering. “We’ve got to stop the bleeding and repair that organ. That means surgery, Commander. I’m putting you under now.” 

Shepard nodded tensely, before falling asleep fast. 

“Garrus, let’s go out and talk,” Tali said, pulling him out of hte med bay. 

“Tali, what the hell is going on?” 

“We’ve been tracking down Cerberus, Garrus. Shepard gave orders to keep you out of missions for a while. She wanted you dark on this one.”

He looked down, “She could have counted on me.”

“She knew that Garrus, she stated that outright. It wasn’t that she couldn’t count on you. It’s just… you deserve a break, Garrus. She wanted to give that to you, if just for a little while. We’ve run into some issues obviously,” she said with a curse. “A particularly skilled assassin the Illusive Man is using as a Shepard replacement. Shepard wanted to keep the team safe, but Cerberus has deep pockets, and keeps throwing more and more at us the closer we get. This was our last shot. After this mission, Shepard was going to call us back in and refocus our attentions on the Reapers.”

Liara walked out towards them, a slight limp in her walk. 

Tali went back into the med-bay.

“Garrus, she wasn’t keeping you in the dark to hurt you,” Liara started.

“I know,” he sighed. “I just… I hate seeing her hurt.”

Liara nodded, “She feels the same way when it’s you. You know, after our mission gaining the Shadow Broker base, and after I had settled in, she came to see me.”

“I remember,” he said softly.

“She was facing punishment from the humans, the council wasn’t listening, she was feeling worried. I wanted to help her remember why she was doing it all, to help give her strength for the trials to come. So I asked her what she was fighting for. Do you know what she said?”

He looked up at her slowly.

“She said you were a good man, who had been hurt and betrayed, and who deserved better. She said she was fighting for you. For your life to be a better one. She said she had found peace in your arms. And she wants the same for you.” 

Garrus’ mandibles dropped slightly, surprised by Liara’s openness. Usually, while the Asari was always sweet, she was shy and reserved. “Thank you,” he said softly.    
  
\-------------------------------------

“Listen up, Crew. We’re on Cerberus’ shit list now. They’re after us. They took one of our own, but we fought and won, getting him back. One of their assassin’s stabbed me in the gut with a sword last week. But you should see the other guy!” 

Garrus heard a cheer from Joker in the background, and the hoots and hollers of the crewmen out in the mess.

“But we all know that’s not the end of the story. They’ll keep gunning for us, because we’re the biggest god damned threat in the galaxy.”

“Hell yeah, we are!” Garrus heard Joker yell again.

“We are not going to shy away from a fight. If Cerberus comes after us, they will regret it. But we still have a job to do. We’re working on negotiations that are vital to our fight against the Reapers. If we want to save our homes, our planet, this is how we do it. But keep an eye out. The Illusive Man is a sneaky bastard, and he won’t rest, so neither can we. Be ready. For Thessia, for Palaven, for Earth!” 

Garrus heard shouts all over the ship. She knew how to get the crew’s attention. She had successfully warned them of the danger, without causing a panic, all while somehow increasing morale. 

He shook his head and grinned as he worked in the main battery. “That’s my girl.” 

\--------------------------------------------

2 months had passed since Garrus’ last ptsd episode. The medicine had worked well, and spending time with Shepard worked better. He walked into her loft, without even thinking about it. It’s how they lived now. She was in the shower, so he sat on the couch and scrolled through his omnitool messages. 

Shepard had heard him come in. She had been so gentle with him these past few months. When they started having sex again, she was more gentle than even she realized was possible, and he didn’t complain. But last time, she could hear in his subvocals that he was frustrated. Her mind flashed back to the Turian sex she had been forced to watch. How could that compare to what they were doing now? She had watched him closely, and he really had recovered. Maybe he needed normalcy. Maybe he needed rough. She was determined to find out. Tonight, she’d be whatever he needed. She shut off the water and dried off. She reached into one of her storage containers and pulled out the skin-aid she’d found on the extranet. A thin but extremely tough self-adhesive cloth. She placed it in all of the areas she knew chaffed the most. She placed a strip on her cleavage and her breasts, pretty much anywhere a Turian had plates, she put the strips. She took out the claws she had been hiding for the past 4 months, and placed them on her fingers. She placed one last strip on her neck, and then took out the new lingerie she had hidden. Black lace with blue strips. She looked in the mirror one last time. “Edi, lock my cabin door please. And don’t listen in for the rest of the night.”

“Understood, Commander.’ 

She walked out, and watched Garrus’ mandibles nearly hit the floor. 

“Hey there, Big Guy,” she said in a sexy voice.

“Shepard,” he said in a low, gravely tone, standing up slowly.

She sauntered over to him, her posture low, as if she was stalking her prey. His eyes sparkled with the challenge, and his posture shifted to match hers. She launched into him and gripped her claws into his arm. He was surprised, and looked down quickly. “Where did you..” he started to say, but died out into a moan as he felt her bite into his neck.

“Are you ok, Garrus?” she asked seriously. If he still needed gentle, if he still needed soft, he could tell her now.

He responded by grabbing her and pressing her against the wall. She let out a small laugh before digging her claws against his plates, and she felt a rumble in his chest. She felt his talons hesitate to return the gesture. She looked up at him, and pointed towards the strips of cloth. “Go for it,” she growled. 

He hesitantly tested it out, gripping her arm, dragging his talons, and it didn’t scratch her at all. He bit into one of the strips, and while she felt the pressure, it didn’t draw blood. He bit down harder… the same. 

She saw his mandibles flare out quickly, and heard his subharmonics soar before he tried to drag her to the bed. She stood her ground, using his body weight to flip him to the ground. 

He grunted, but quickly flipped her and mounted her, pinning her down with his body weight. He used a talon to try to move her panties, before realizing there was a hole in them. He looked at her and growled. These were no normal panties. They were designed for this, just like the rest of her outfit. He scraped at her pelvic plates.. skin, and heard her moan. He bit into as many of those strips as he could find as he roughly inserted his finger into her. She cried out and bucked against his hand hard. She bit into his chest hard, and he groaned. He felt her press her fingers against just the right spot of his seam, and he bucked into her hand, his plates opening. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he groaned even louder than before.

“Fuck me hard, Garrus,” she moaned.

He began to line himself up to enter her slowly, and she bit him around the wrist harder than she ever had before, and he groaned loudly. “I said, fuck me hard Vakarian. I don’t think you ever have yet.”

He growled at the accusation. “Oh?’ his subharmonics giving off a dangerous tone. 

“No,” she glared. 

He broke the game, “Shepard I don’t want to hu..” he started.

“Ah - ah - ah,” she said, pressing her fingers to his mouth plates. “Don’t you dare. This game is too much fun. Now. I said. Fuck. Me. Hard. Or I will find a Turian who can,” she growled, her voice dangerously low.

He growled loudly, biting into her, and she moaned beautifully. He entered her quickly without waiting, and thrust into her at a steady pace. 

“Oh God,” she moaned, before getting ahold of herself, her game face returning. “You call that hard,Vakarian?” 

He picked up the pace, gripping her wrists and holding her still.

“Garrus, I want to fucking feel you. I want to feel your carapace on my chest. I want to feel your plates against mine. I don’t want to fucking be able to walk tomorrow. Do I make myself clear?”

He bit into the strip on her neck so hard, that it finally punctured, and he tasted the blood in his mouth. He growled and pounded into her with everything he had.

“Fuck!” she shouted. “Yes, god, yes Garrus!”

He felt her clawing at the skin of his neck, pulling at his fringe. He felt his plates banging against her bones. He felt her walls soaking his cock, squeezing him so tightly that he knew he couldn’t last long.

Shepard smiled as she watched him lose control. His eyes were shut tight and he was lost in the world she had created for him. 

She continued to claw at every inch of skin she could find, until she dug her claws into his waist and he yelled out with pleasure. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t turned on. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying this. The way he dominated her, the way he felt primal and dangerous on top of her. 

Suddenly, he started slamming down into her, so hard that it hurt her sternum. After three thrusts like that, she heard something crack, and a searing pain shot through her chest. She bit down into his arm as hard as she could, drawing blood. She looked up, but Garrus was still lost. Didn’t even hear it. He groaned as she bit him, and she felt him knotting inside of her. It only took a few more thrusts before he lost himself, spilling into her. He groaned in a way she had never heard as he came.

His eyes slowly opened and she smiled up at him. “You… are… so sexy,” she said panting. She grazed her claws up his arms slowly. “So strong.” She scratched against his mandibles, “So amazing.” 

She heard his subharmonics ring with a mix of passion and pride, before he leaned down to kiss her. She held her breath so that she wouldn’t groan as his weight hurt… whatever it was she had broken. She felt his ridges loosen, and he slid out of her, collapsing onto the bed. She leaned over to kiss him.

“Jane… that… I didn’t think we could do that. I thought… well. It’s not, for me I don’t need it ok? It’s not something I need. I’ve found more passion and happiness from this new thing we have together than I ever did from that. But… damn it was sexy. You’re so fucking sexy.” 

She grinned. “It’s nice to get different every once and awhile. I’m glad you liked it.”

He growled, “I really did. Thank you,” he said softly stroking the torn and ripped strips of cloth on her arms and waist. 

“I have a meeting with Dr Chakwas, but I’ll be back in an hour,” she said as she headed to the bathroom to change.    


She hissed as she put ointment on her sore and slightly torn folds, noticing small spots of blood on the cloth she used. She gingerly took off every strip of cloth and put her casuals on. When she left, he was still on the bed grinning at her, his plates just now shifting back into place. 

Garrus would never know that she had broken two ribs and fractured her sternum that night. And Dr Chakwas would always think Shepard had done it lifting weights.

_ ‘Totally worth it,” _ Shepard thought as he held her and slept soundly that night.


End file.
